I’ve tried everything and nothing is changing….
Point of impact #1: Sitting at my desk I took a long, slow, deep breath in. Letting all the plans, the changes, the dreams I had lined up sink in. As I exhaled, I realized all that hadn’t changed no matter what I tried. Then a mix of emotions set in: Sadness. Gratitude. Frustration. Curiosity. Confusion.
Point of impact #2: I recently heard a line from a movie where this woman said, “I’m so busy, I’m missing my own life.” That hit me hard! In fact, I almost fell out of the chair I was sitting in! All to often, I wonder if that story is true for many of us in today’s world? There’s never enough time in the day and everybody always wants you to do something. Between work, friends, family, health and who knows what else… we give and give until we become mechanical about life. Simply going through the motions.
This is where the rubber meets the road. Where personal responsibility for the desired life becomes the catalyst at which the choice between securing mechanical permanency or walking right over the ledge into an unknown abyss is made. Many never realize that we truly have the power to make it all different when we deeply acknowledge that every action we make in our life is a choice.
I’ve found this too be true in my own life. By taking personal responsibility for every aspect of my life the more aware and more mindful I became of my routines, my actions, my thoughts, my dreams… and the more I recognized the weaker parts of me wanting to change. Quite frankly, it’s been a slow… arduous… stubborn process. Which is far from over.
When asked what kept him going even after so many failures. Thomas Edison replied, “I did not fail a thousand times. I found a thousand ways not to make a light bulb.”
I too realize, I have found more and more ways of doing things that just don’t seem to work. Yet with each way that doesn’t work, I’m one step closer to finding what does. Can you imagine what’s going to happen then?!!!
In my quest to find that my “lightbulb”, I also discovered I was so busy that I was missing my own life.
To that, I now say… I will never make it there. It’s in the journey that fulfillment really lies.
I’d like to think that there’s something awarded to those who take a chance on the unknown, who never give up, who see the beauty in the journey. That the best treasures are reserved for action takers, risk takers and believers. 
So… while I wait as if nothing is changing, I really wonder… ……what if it is??
